we're wasting memories

Saturday, November 29, 2008 10:28 pm

he was all "i want to take photo... i want to take photo!!!"
but it was cute. :}

ultimate cuteness ABOVE! :D

my hands~ up her nose! :p

hahaahhhahahahaahhaahhahahaah.

10:23 pm

can't seem to get anything done whenever i come up to malaysia.
dang.
which means i might just die when next week's here.
i read through my radio assignment, and saw that i could not use my mega mac ad.
shitxzo.
ughh, i so wanted to do megamac, lol.

anyway, KY is NEVER online when i am online.
stupid.

so heading back here next week, for granddad's (mom's side) birthday celebration.
then twilight with cousin and sis.
WOOOOOOO!

grandmother's looking better!
she's starting to eat.
though breathing difficulties persist.
i can see she breathes harder than usual.
it's not that i don't want to stay in the room with her longer.
i feel like if i did stay longer, i might just burst into tears.
not BURST into tears, but i might just well up.
bah, emotional shit.

k.
photos next.
those twerps (Hillary and Ying2) kinda went mad with Photobooth.
8-)

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 10:18 pm

wednesday's almost over!

*poppers all come out*

well, speech comm was nerve-wrecking until i got my topic.

then i rushed.

i was so scared that i wouldn't be able to finish.

but miss D went for a toilet break so i got like, extra time to collect my thoughts.

my topic was dealing with depression.

i wouldn't say it went PERFECTLY, but i'm happy with it!

it's actually easier to just memorise your points and let your mind take the lead.

i find that you can say more! :o

which is surprising, for me.

and i'm not a fan of speeches.

eeeeee.

I DIDN'T GET NUMBER ONE THOUGH!

so that's all cool!

french test.

ha, what can i say?

the freaking people in FRONT of me were cheating outright!

like, the teacher had to leave for a moment to get something he missed.

and when he left, the books all came out!

FOR THEM.

not for me.

i wouldn't CHEAT even if i wanted to.

it's the principle of the matter, you know?

I MEAN, C'MON!

why learn french if you have to cheat to answer the question?

stupid people.

and it's SO UNFAIR to those who actually study like shit for this test.

i so wanted to tell the teacher about it.

but why didn't i?

----------

on a slightly less sombre note...

grandma's leaving hospital tomorrow.

it's no good.

because the doctor said her heart is failing.

she isn't eating.

i wish she'd eat.

then she'd get so much better!

but she isn't.

and without those oxygen mask things at home, it's going to be even worse!

:'(

this cannot be the end.

and it's like everyone around her seems to be giving up already.

just because they went to pray and the temple people told them that grandma's time was up.

like, it's total shit.

it won't be up if you don't want it to!

willpower.

that's what she needs!

that's what we need.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008 11:33 pm

stress.

stress!

i don't wanna fail french!

i don't wanna not do well for speech comm.

i don't want to embarrass myself in front of the class.

but that said, my problems are nothing as big as ky's.

sadness.

how can anyone be so unreasonable?

Monday, November 24, 2008 11:51 pm

some random conversation classics. :}

what elena said about twilight. :o

hm, that's an interesting perspective and summation of the movie.

no?

karyan to the music eugene listens to! (SEE 2 posts in a day eugene! you should feel honoured.)

HAHAHAHAHAHA, karyan to coffee.

so cute huh, coffee babies.

*imagines*

i started this convo like this.

totally unexpected reaction to a totally random greeting.

HA!

10:23 pm

a week from now till my birthday!

i won't be 16 anymore.

which is devastating!

i think i'll be doing a farewell 16 post sometime this week.

it's a sad time.

so don't mess with me.

*and they said 16 was sweet*

-----------------

okay, after ISSUES today, ky and i went to BORDERS! (yes eugene, BORDERS)

then we ate at cineleisure!

kobayashi!

can you believe it, 2 days in a row, JAPANESE FOOD.

like, wow.

never in my life.

never!!!!!!!!

so let it be known that i ate japanese food for 2 days straight.

then HMV!

where we asked about Taylor's album "Fearless".

it's arriving either this week or the next!

MY BIRTHDAY PERIOD!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

caught a few seconds of david cook's album.

am liking it, surprisingly.

impromptu speech this wednesday.

french test this wednesday.

everything culminating on wednesday.

i hate wednesday.

bye.

Sunday, November 23, 2008 9:55 pm

i think it was saturday that i slept for like, almost the whole day.

HONEST!

well, i woke up at 10.45 am... then after being away for a few hours,

i slept again from 2.30pm...

to 6pm?

then i slept at round 12am.

MYGOODNESS.

isn't that AMAZING?

hahha, anyway, had japanese lunch today with aunt and family and mom and sis.

dad was at work.

but the bbq was not bad!

it's like you have this bbq thingy at the centre of the table.

and you have to grill your own stuff

there was pork, beef, chicken and wagyu beef and venison and assorted vegetables and seafood.

seriously, a lot.

the staff were really nice!

so we ate from 1 to 3.

hahaha.

anyway, that was my day.

WASTEDDDDDDDD like that.

meh.

okay, bye!

Saturday, November 22, 2008 11:04 pm

grandma is suspected of having lung infection.

the previous call was heart infection, which seriously scared me.

but it's not heart infection.

still in ICU.

is this how it's going to be?

Friday, November 21, 2008 10:16 pm

hello! :}

let me recount as much as i possibly can from wednesday.

WEDNESDAY

hm, angella ate 3 subway cookies.

the highlight of the day was speech comm.

i went through my speech alright.

i honestly hate speeches.

and don't you hate it when you make better speeches when they are UNGRADED?!

it's so damn frustrating.

it's like, you know it's going to be graded, and that kind of adds pressure to whatever nerves you have,

and you make a goddamn fool out of yourself later.

but then again, i wasn't feeling too well that day.

i couldn't sleep the night before.

was tossing and turning till 2am or so...

had a headache in the mid-afternoon...

but anyway, we had a class activity on recalling your past and childhood.

the mood was set by the absence of lights.

and ms D's voice was...

it just made me cry a little.

haha, i am still amazed at how strong i was at controlling my tears.

i have changed.

*unfortunately.

it still came out at the end, but not so much.

still it didn't hurt to cry.

shows that i have EMOTION, unlike those with hardened hearts.

but yeah, it was a bonding activity i guess!

i didn't really share much because, as you know... I HAVE LOUSY MEMORY.

i can never recall my childhood, 'cept for some...redundant bits.

lolxz.

and anyway, i think that if i ever did share anything DEEPER... haha,

let's just say i'll be like Jill.

THERE WAS SOMETHING LIKE THIS A COUPLE OF TIMES.

most recently was in jurong junior college camp.

sadly it was something along the sorts of being all nostalgic.

and when it got to my turn to share i was just...

not crying, but rather...the more unglam, more jaw-dropping version of that.

haha.

but i exaggerate (just a little)

so after speech comm i had to rush for FRENCH.

WHICH I HAVE A FREAKING TEST FOR NEXT WEEK BY THE WAY!

damn.

i have to study!!!

oh, and while i was rushing to fill my bottle before french, i think i recall someone telling me that they thought i was crying and all sad and emo and such, so they wanted to console me!

but i was like, oh, BYE! *opens door to staircase and flies up with lightning speed*

HOW WAS I TO KNOW THEY WERE GOING TO CONSOLE ME?!

hahahahahahaha.

they must have been stunned.

0_0

heh.

but really, i wasn't THAT sad.

but it shows that they care!

which feels, nice!

or does it? (*insert that emoticon with the silly wiggling eyebrows*)

on the way home i felt really uncomfortable, like i was going to throw up!

speaking of emoticons, haahahah, tuesday's mass convo during writ comm was f-ing hilarious!

so this is what most of them do during writ comm!

i wasn't involved until this week because my msn was always giving me shit.

and i fixed it, like finally.

and HAHHAHAAA.

it's soooooo pervertic.

i wished i saved the sickening convo down!

then you'd know what my friends are up to.

LMAO.

okay, i digress.

(did you know that you don't actually have to save a DOTA game?!

like, wtf. i didn't know, and they took the mickey out of me just cos' i said i saved it. LOLZ)

THURSDAY

met ky round 1pm to tie up the loose ends for radio assignment.

then during radio, we had to do a 45 second commercial script to advertise FMS.

like, argh!

we screwed it up, didn't we ky?

i hate it when i screw things up.

i need the reassurance that i have done a good job!

it's so not fun when people are not paying attention to whatever you're saying/doing. (that's for socpsych...LATER)

but anyway, it's the experience.

i'm jolly well going to ace this module!

i intend to anyway.

went to marina sq with J, E and KY.

hm... was... interesting conversation along the way.

you know it's so fun tormenting E!

HHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAH.

i sound evil!

but yeah, anyway, i do wanna say that J had a good point.

WHY DOES EVERYONE HAVE TO BE SO SUPERFICIAL!?

be a man!

be yourself!

but then KY brought up a good point TODAY (more later) on being yourself!

but anyway, finished the socpsych video!

i'm rusty, with final cut!

sadness, whatever i've learnt in the last semester has gone out the window!

FRIDAY

today i went out realllllllllly early.

to meet ky.

at school.

to finish socpsych.

it was a waste!

the presentation went overtime, so 0.5% was deducted!

ARGH.

and we didn't analyse the human documentary well enough.

i am not liking this at all.

but yeah, the day wasn't WASTED.

i had a great talk with ky!

went to bpp to eat fish n chips!

oosh.

oh and we talked!

or more like, she talked MORE.

haha, i was just listening and giving comments whenever i could!

poly has really changed people.

haha, ky was saying something about just being yourself will do.

but sometimes, yourself isn't the best thing to be for some.

8-)

gah.

well, i admit i DID think of giving myself a whole new image before starting poly.

it's like, i don't know anyone there, so they don't know how i'm like, so i can be anyone i wish.

besides, it's a new start!

but somehow that part of me never materialised.

ha.

i was still the same old same old.

but i've changed.

i really have.

and i believe it's FOR the better.

kinda.

i do feel that EVERYONE judges / assumes people based on how they look.

first impressions stick.

that's being really shallow.

and i'm not excluding myself from that list because i know i do judge sometimes.

but the thing is, i try not to.

it's no good.

so i should start looking past the surface, and try to get to know the truth that's hidden beneath.

yup, so yeah.

James Bond!

went out with the family!!!

never watched a movie as a family since the last James Bond movie (Casino Royale)

that says a lot doesn't it?

anyway, from here onwards, it might contain spoilers for Quantam of Solace

so i encourage you to read on if you do not wish to watch the movie!

Daniel Craig as James Bond...works.

i know i didn't think that in the first movie...or did i?

but anyway, QoS was...action!action!action!

there were car scenes, boat scenes, bed scenes (lacking, lmao), aeroplane scenes, jumping from rooftops scenes...

it was just woahhhhhhhh.

some bits were quite amusing, and initiated laughter!

and honestly, i'm starting to like Daniel Craig!

he was so.... charming in the movie!

my mom doesn't think he's handsome.

hahaa.

i don't think he's handsome, but he's good-looking.

it's different!!

but his eyes are to die for!

BLUEST BLUEST blue.

they played up the cool, suave factor!

it was like, MAN!!!! can james bond ever get killed?

i even teared at that part where his friend got killed! (Matthews?)

AND THE PLANE!

ohmygod.

there's like a minibar in the first class section! (i'm assuming they were in the first class section, because it's James Bond)

gosh.

didn't even look much like a plane!

but yeah, the storyline... (i never can understand james bond movie plots)

but this was okay.

i got the GIST...or somewhat at the end!

*swoons*

okay.

am going to try to do something now.

bye!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008 10:15 pm

Jesse McCartney - It's Over - MySpace Premiere (HQ)

*hyperventilates*

eeeeeee! after mcfly, now this?!

i love love love love this video!!!!

mcfly's Do Ya video is out as well, so go have a look yeah? :D

xoo

will post a more detailed one when i feel like it.

i suddenly don't feel like posting anymore.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008 10:21 pm

this isn't supposed to happen.
this isn't supposed to happen.
this isn't supposed to happen.
this isn't supposed to happen.

it can't.

it just cannot happen this way.

please god.

Monday, November 17, 2008 11:38 pm

well, here's the thing.

i easily succumb to temptation.

BOO.

i told myself i HAVE to stop eating fried stuff and start exercising.

but to this day, i am STILL doing all of the above.

*hits myself in frustration*

totally no self-control.

GRRRR.

but anyway, met ky at KAP Macs to film the socpsych video.

well she did it before i got there, so it was...redundant.

and i got wet in the rain.

sad.

but Issues was... cool.

we watched this video on sexism, or the portrayed image of women in advertising.

it's quite thought-provoking.

i enjoyed it.

and then later the lecturer asked us to like, design an ad in 20 minutes for a lingerie company without using SEX.

like skimpy girls and stuff.

this is what we came up with!

click for a bigger picture!

it's so cute right?

my photoshop skills were challenged in that 20 minutes.

but whatever!

haha.

i was like laughing away.

but anyway, after issues i went to see a doctor.

I AM SO HAPPY THE DOCTOR DOESN'T SUSPECT ANYTHING!

however, just to be safe, she's referring me to the professionals to get a second opinion.

seems like god loves me after all!

and i love god! :}

but i can't be TOO happy yet.

next friday is majorly important.

hopefully it's nothing.

*prays*

oh, by the way, i said before that i only like foreign dudes?

i think i'll make an exception for this guy.

elvin ng!!!!

he's damn adorable in the channel 8 drama By My Side.

yeah yeah, surprised i watch CHANNEL 8 DRAMAS huh?

i am very choosy. ha.

but yeah, he's my dream guy in that show!

makes me go awwwwww.

haha, okay, bye!

Saturday, November 15, 2008 1:11 pm

okay, so it isn't as serious as dad made it out to be.

grandma just had some breathing difficulty round 4 plus in the morning.

so after they gave her some oxygen, she's better.

apparently getting discharged today?

that is, if all goes well.

so i'm still at home. :}

meh.

6:42 am

dad called round 6 am.

that's why i am up now.

i knew we'd get a call one day or another.

i call it THE CALL.

it means my grandmother has taken a turn for the worse.

at least according to my dad.

i don't want it to become worse.

ARGH!!!!

why isn't anything going my way?

so now i am waiting till noon when my uncle will bring us all in to Malaysia.

NOON?

now that's contradicting.

isn't it?

gosh, i hope everything's okay.

Friday, November 14, 2008 10:10 pm

angella was bugging me to give her something to do an hour ago,

so i asked her to make a list of things she'd wanted for her birthday.

I ASKED HER TO LIST FROM HER HEART.

and not be materialistic.

but she went and put things like a friggin' TV SET.

thanks huh AngellA!

but anyway, i thought i'd get into the planning mood.

hahaha, hence the list.

i have to be straightforward about it, because i am no good at guessing what people want.

hence me not knowing what to get for my mom's birthday on sunday.

speaking of my mom, she and my dad went in to Malaysia today.

impromptu.

haha.

my grandmother's still in hospital, and they say she's feeling rather uncomfortable and refuses to eat.

so the doctors put a tube through her nose to her stomach.

it sucks when someone in your family falls ill and all these things happen.

thursday after radio was town with angella, karyan, jehanne and eugene.

it's interesting, because you can observe how they act outside of school.

a rare appearance on my part, i think.

they were all complaining about how i always did not "hang" with them afterschoolhours.

it's not that i don't want to, but i am a STAY-INDOORS-AT-NIGHT kind of person.

my dad was almost like, believing i was in bad company.

maybe it's because i rarely stay out so late.

he called earlier today from Malaysia and asked me not to "anyhow go out".

he also said that i should not follow what my friends do blindly.

i know he means nothing but good;

i'd think he'd have more trust in me than that.

i am SENSIBLE enough dad.

and i know you care, so thanks.

but i can manage. :}

nice to know you worry though.

*aw see, this made me cry. shitxzo.

11:02 am

i backed out, yet again.

it's not going to get any better if i keep on doing this.

i have to face up to reality.

it may or may not be.

Thursday, November 13, 2008 11:57 pm

You See the World Through Blue Colored Glasses

You live your life with tranquility. You have faith that things will work themselves out with time.

You judge all your interactions through the lens of hope. You try to get all the facts before forming your opinion.

You face challenges with wisdom. You know that all bad things pass, and you have the confidence to see problems through.

You see love as the utmost expression of trust. Your relationships tend to be peaceful and stable.

At your worst, you can be cool, melancholy, and detached. You sometimes have to step back from emotionally charged situations.

You are at your happiest when you are able to reflect and relax.

What Color Glasses Do You See the World Through?

11:30 pm

*spazzes*

david archuleta is looking so fine! :}

don't you think so?

but of course, this was photoshopped by me, but i only changed the coloring (like i always do)

and the original picture was like, damn!

friggin' fit...

gosh, i am so happy now.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008 11:48 pm

gosh; i wanted to blog about lots of things, but the feeling kind of just went away.

but anyway, today was great... in a sense.

went to orchard rd with Melissa and KarYan; gosh, it was seriously... quite lewd.

i mean, yeah.

oh well... refer to Mel's post to know more deets.

but anyway, i was seriously rushing, cos' i was supposed to go back to school for French at 6.

and it was raining, so KY suggested cab.

very reluctant... which turned out to be freaking bad decision on my part.

17 dollars!

*flies away*

NEVER AGAIN AM I TAKING A CAB.

i should have just said.

FINE I AM NOT GOING TO SCHOOL TODAY.

in other news, i think i may be turning deaf.

yes.

gabriel was like asking me after french, if there was radio stuff to do tomorrow or something...

but i didn't catch it the first time, or the second time, or the third...

so i asked him to repeat like, god knows how many times.

HOW FUCKING SILLY was that.

well, at least i felt silly.

and embarrassing.

like, GAH!!!!!

okay, that's so not relevant, but whatever.

i'm feeling tired now.

honestly.

i was going to blog about something.

but i can't remember what.

OH YES!

i think my not being able to hear people properly is either due to me turning deaf...

or it's because my brain is functioning slower.

like yeah, a little retarded.

hm, sad.

MUST BE O LEVELS.

shitshitshit.

i can't process what people say fast enough to answer.

so... AM I LIKE... DYING!?

hm, this post is becoming more redundant.

i don't normally post like this, just so you know.

it's just... LATE.

i will accomplish the task of mastering the few of Taylor Swift's songs on guitar!

i think i can play like... Love Story (part of it) and You're Not Sorry (ain't very good) and... Fearless (coolness!!! but up until bridge)

haha, so it's all like "half pail water".

hm, it's been a long time since i translated chinese phrases directly to english;

do i miss it?

NO.

i am aiming to speak and write proficient english damnit.

kk, should go now.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008 10:09 pm

i am SO buying david archuleta's self-titled album!!!!

only if it's 16 dollars or something.

hahaha.

but i've heard quite a few songs!

EEEEEEEEE.

it's quite lovely!

the style of music i am into!

and taylor swift!

i don't want to spoil myself, but i've heard like, 5 songs already?

i don't know, but i want her album more.

hahaha.

sound like a teenie, so i shall stop.

-----------

you know, after like 16 years of not receiving presents from people other than my family and a rare few from friends,

this year is getting overwhelmingly scary.

i mean, imagine getting PRESENTS (GIFTS!!!!!) for your birthday.

crazy!

seeing as i am not one who is actually into the HOO-HA for birthdays...

you can understand my viewpoint.

but then again, i was never one to GIVE people birthday presents (GIFTS!!!!), so...

i should never expect them to give me anything for my birthday right?

and i never expected them to!!!!

just a nice birthday sms would have well sufficed.

but this year they are all talking about what they are getting me

(which is creating much suspense! but thanks to angella, i got spoiled. it's kind of funny.)

and i'm all like, WOAH!

i do appreciate the gesture, i really honestly do!

but it's unnerving for me, y'know?

gah.

all this talk about birthdays... reminds me of my mom's.

16th november!

shit, what am i to get her!!!!?

i am NEVER one to buy birthday presents (GIFTS!!!!) or plan surprises and stuff like that.

why?

BECAUSE I AM LIKE THAT, SO THERE.

argh.

just get it over with.

i am so planning not to go to school on my birthday right now.

haha, call me a coward if you like.

i'm scared.

mostly because i have friends like Angella and Kar Yan.

hooboy.

Monday, November 10, 2008 8:15 pm

came back from malaysia yesterday round 7pm.

grandma's not looking too good.

i don't know what to do.

but she IS my grandmother, and of course i'll feel sad.

it was painful to look, her being bloated and all.

i want to help, but i am not one to express my feelings or actions y'know?

it's difficult for me.

i do want her to get better.

i like better.

ISSUES was crap.

we didn't deliver what the lecturer wanted.

gosh it was excruciating standing up there.

i mean, he wasn't all mean but y'know.

luckily ky was there, to save the day, as always.

haha.

have pictures and a silly video but it's on my phone and i don't know how to get it onto the computer.

talk about noobs.

gah, oh well.

lecture day tomorrow.

so looking forward to it!!!

NOT.

xoxo

Friday, November 07, 2008 8:58 pm

will be going in to Malaysia tomorrow morning.

grandmother's sick and in hospital.

hm, i pray that everything gets BETTER.

i just need everything to get BETTER right now.

you don't know how MUCH i want it to.

and it's not all because of my grandma.

i just need THAT to get better.

please please please god.

i don't want it to happen to me.

no.

no,

please no.

nobody knows how unsettling it gets.

or how scared IT makes me feel.

next week.

hate pain.

please say it's negative.

or it's fine.

i want everything to be right, and fine again.

PLEASE.

i'm willing to get on my knees.

11:53 am

this uncertainty is unnerving.

what if you found out that you might not live long enough.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008 11:33 pm

i can be so damn dense sometimes.

i mean, i say things that i don't mean, but people take it seriously.

like, fuck.

communication really is irreversible.

ugh.

and the horrible thing is, you get tormented about it.

well, at least i do.

people say i am such a pushover.

i should not be such a goddamn pushover.

i should make a stand?

like... be stronger?

i mean, one day i may never see any of them again.

one day, it will all change.

and i'll be thinking, how am i going to survive alone?

i don't want to be thinking that.

i want to be the one who says: "i don't give a shit about what they say or do. they can't HURT me."

maybe it's time to venture out on my own.

but then, i will always find this void surrounding me.

i don't know how to explain it really.

but, it's kind of like, i have always been trying to cover up or lie to myself that this void does not exist.

i have always been filling this, emptiness with other things/ people.

i try not to show it, but it's actually quite fragile.

this...void.

i want to get rid of it, but i can't.

it's gonna always be there...i think.

i know i sound "emo" all over again.

k, this isn't about me.

i must gather up my feelings.

no need to feel so...silly.

forget this rant.

don't even bother.

reading.

this.

i don't want your sympathy.

don't need your OPINIONS.

it is just what i am feeling inside.

kthksbai.

9:48 pm

Your Life Is Worth...

$962,500

How Much Is Your Life Worth?

Sunday, November 02, 2008 10:28 pm

highlight of the day!

hahah, she cracks me up.

8-)

10:07 pm

i am so DONE with my socpsych journal!!

proud of myself for managing to finish it! :}

the quality of it would be...80 %?

but i wrote 2 poems for it, so i better get some bonus marks!

and great, i just read ky's and hers is so much more descriptive than mine.

makes me feel... insecure.

GAHHH!!!!

hate myself.

okay, so i have like, no school tomorrow, but i have to watch this film before i can do anything.

PHILADELPHIA.

shit.

and i got cut as a maker.

like... okay.

i shall start my own icon community.

sigh.

bah, life's sucky these coupla' days.

BUT!!!!

i just realised that i am going in to MALAYSIA for my grandfather's birthday on the week of 7 December!

and 8th december is hari raya or sth, so it's cool!

AND TWILIGHT IS OPEN IN MALAYSIA ALREADY AT THAT TIME.

i can watch it...like DAMN EARLY!

WITH MY COUSIN HILLARY! :D

YAY!!!!

great plan, non?