we're wasting memories

Here's another dream for your memories.

Wednesday, April 06, 2011 10:21 pm

Sigh - the dream I had this morning was just bleak! :(

As you might know already from my frequent Facebook status updates about McFly (oops), they are heading to Indonesia this month on the 24 and 25th. I hadn't even suggested if I could go to my mom, just said that they were going and she was all "Indonesia's really dangerous right now, you'd better not go." Haha. But in any case I won't be going there because I want to watch them here in Singapore or Australia or London itself. :)

But back to the point - my dream. :(

I dreamt that I met them! I think they actually came here to play a small intimate gig, and the sad thing was it was a seated gig, and the audience was not interested!!!! They were playing and there were people talking and shit. :( Some even got up to leave, so I kind of swapped seats (I was seating in the back wtf) and got a semi-front seat. They were singing...IF U C Kate, because that song's been stuck on repeat for awhile. And I was mouthing along the words, and Tom noticed! :o I really dreamt that up I swear. So I was all yay inside....

And then they finished the gig, and were milling around outside, probably for smokes (since a couple of them smoke), and I kind of approached them, and I was all acting chill and being such a suck-up, like they were rock-stars and I was just praising them to the skies; which I know is reasonable, but in this case it holds a negative connotation. And I was being such a stupid bitch!!!!! :( They didn't like me very much because I didn't get a hug. :(

Oh my god I hope what they say about dreams being the opposite of reality is true. :(
I want a huge hug from all of them even though it'd be awkward afterwards... Maybe I'll burst into tears upon seeing them and they won't be able to take it and they will come up automatically to hug me, which will make me cry even harder. :')

I love these boys, I will keep hoping they will come one day.... :|

just remember to smile, smile, smile...

Saturday, April 02, 2011 10:59 pm

Sometimes you don't realise that you have been suppressing your feelings so much that all the negativity gets lodged deep inside you, and while you use hyperactivity and laughter to mask that choking feeling, it just won't go away. So much so that it catches you by surprise when it finally bubbles over, explodes outwards.

I never did want anything like this to accumulate. The doubt and questions are starting to overwhelm even the most positive of personalities - cracking under the pressure. Why am I taking it so hard so young? Isn't it a time for exploration, freedom and spontaneity?

Where's the person who wanted to go on a well-deserved holiday? Where's the person who wrote a whole list of to-dos before she headed off to university? Where am I?

Tonight, I feel lost, down-trodden and tear-driven.

Tonight, I'm not headed home. I'm heading past past, and drowning in regret.