we're wasting memories

I feel so stupid.

Sunday, October 31, 2010 10:14 pm

You know, working endlessly for days on end does things to you. It does. Like how I work Tuesdays to Saturdays and when I get an off day on Sunday, I'll keep thinking that it's Saturday.

& how atrociously stupid it is that you have to wait around, just so you will be found when they need you. I know I shouldn't be saying this, but if there's one thing I hate doing, it's waiting around. It's like I'm trapped, somehow, like in jail. No offence, but there's no getting out of it I understand that. But if you could just strike it off the list, get it over with, then life would be so much easier, do you understand that?

I want to let everything out, but the fuck I can't. It's just tormenting me inside because I want to just scream, like at every single moving thing I see.

This pent-up frustration inside me is so not helping things at home, because I know they are trying to be encouraging and everything but it's like I keep lashing out at them because they are the only ones who can take all my shit without me getting into much trouble.

It's really bubbling over, I'll tell you. Like how I was sitting on the bus home today, and all I could think about was to scream at this woman in front of me who was flicking her fucking hair all over the back of her seat and touching my hand. Felt just like in the movies where they show you the scenario of some main character just going ballistic on someone irritating, but then afterwards you find out that it was all in their head and everything didn't happen. That is how it felt like to me.

I'm almost 90% sure the next time I get fucking stressed up, I'll hurl. Or maybe it's just during the times of the month where I get fucking stressed because of the pile up (mysteriously happening during that period) and I get hormonal and insecure and all tensed like fuck.

It's really not helping. It's really not.

On another note, I applied to study in Australia today. Totally screwed up the whole application because of the tight deadlines. I mean, I'm not even really 100% sure what I want to do, so I just wildly selected a couple.

I need a job that is relatively easy with deadlines, I can't fucking deal with stress. I'll end up in a mental institution before you can even yell "time's up!".

god save my wretched soul.

Friday, October 22, 2010 1:00 pm

credits: rag&bone

now if I could pull all these off... or rather, first, have the money to buy these...

so gorgeous! :)

I think I will post when I get to Malaysia.

I've been waiting for this break for weeks!!

Saturday, October 16, 2010 9:36 pm

I know I haven't posted in a long while, but it's like I have no energy in me that I can muster up to actually write about my feelings. I feel more numb inside than I normally do, which is to say that working ain't my forte at all.

And to think that it's only the second week. I know that feeling that if you keep counting it day by day, it'll only feel longer than ever... I wish that weren't true. Sometimes you just want to fast forward life, because you feel trapped in a particular surrounding, and have absolutely no way of getting through it except to forge on ahead. Where's the fast forward button? Where?

I shan't go into details because I'd rather write it in my monthly log, and pour my heart and soul into that one. It's more honest when you write it from the heart the first time, because after that you'll just keep deleting and editing, deleting and editing...

Right... but it's getting better every day. Some days are less awful, some days plain awesome.

I'm alive and well, if you need a summary.

Tuesday, October 05, 2010 10:43 pm

sorry i can't really start to write a long post right now... i have been traumatised.

bad things have happened today. i hate it.

Maroon 5 cover Misery

Saturday, October 02, 2010 11:37 pm

hi, last cover before i start emo-ing over internship ;'(