we're wasting memories

Intensity

Saturday, April 14, 2012 12:48 am

Sometimes we cry just so it lets us know that we can feel emotion. The intensity, the despair, the emptiness inside just bursts out. Repressing these feelings does not make anything go away. It's still there bubbling under the surface. But so long we've come to deny ourselves of hurting, of feeling lonely and feeling utterly hopeless that we become numb, immune to the feeling itself. So we cry, when we can't deal with it anymore. Energy all sapped, let it go. Cry so we can feel again, only to force it back into the depths of our souless souls.

Let's try not to fall into habits and routines again this time...

Monday, February 20, 2012 7:54 pm

And so it is.

Back.

In the land of the strange accented.

No I'm just joking. The Australian accent, while thick and more difficult to understand than most, is one of the many accents that I have come to love.

Yet, that is not the point. I just needed to get certain things off my chest.

The night before was just filled with the dread of having to head to the airport later that night... and by next morning I would be on a totally different continent altogether. You know how advanced aviation technology is nowadays... promising to get you places in the fastest time possible...

The plane ride was more than a little horrible. Luckily there was no crying baby...but it was still packed to the rafters and I couldn't get enough sleep. It was the worst feeling ever, not being able to fall asleep. I guess I dozed off for awhile because I got really too tired, but most of the time I was staring at the screen in front of me because the entertainment system was down when "dinner" came... And maybe it was the air pressure changes, but I kept feeling like I needed to puke, so I couldn't really eat much. They had tiramisu ice cream for dessert though, loved that...

Anyway, customs cleared pretty quickly and the shuttle bus came in record time so I couldn't complain. The traffic jam I couldn't care less about really... made the whole journey jerky and pukey.

Came back to the apartment a little worse for wear, but had a nap (wasn't enough) but had to shower and head out for groceries. Had a late lunch after and maggie mee dinner about two hours later. No food at all makes me a very unhappy kid. I need my bacon and eggs!

Okay, I just need to adjust all these feelings of negativity and be a better person and study my ass off...

So many things I want to say but I guess writing them down instead of typing it out is more therapeutic. Gives me a chance to admire my handwriting too... LMAO~

x

Let

7:16 pm

Quite possibly, dear sir...

Monday, February 13, 2012 2:03 pm

So I have about a week more to go before I fly back to continue my studies. On one hand, I'm freaking out (as usual) over the whole idea of having to go through the necessities of introducing oneself to the class, awkwardly saying my name in the best pronounceable way so they don't have to ask again. I'm just over-worrying, I know it. I really shouldn't care less about what others think of me. I mean, if they are interested to know me as a person, they will ask... right? On the other hand, I'm just sad that I have to fly back. These past three months I've been really bumming around doing nothing (much), but I spent quite some time with family, so that was good. So much so I think they are sick of seeing me loitering around and want me to scoot off back to study / work. Which is why I have to get an internship before I come back in November/December. I think I roughly have an idea where I want to apply to... but I don't want to limit myself just yet... I'll think about it again come October...

I am also quite excited at the prospects of returning. There's so much I have yet to explore....

Let's hope I don't feel so bummed as I did the first time I flew off. I mean, it should get easier with practice, shouldn't it?

The downfalls of studying abroad.

Wednesday, February 08, 2012 4:50 pm

I'm getting pretty sick of people going "So when are you heading back to Melbourne?" when they see me, or just for curiosity's sake. Yes, I know you guys are concerned and just asking as a way of being polite, but I don't really need the constant reminder that I only have a little over a week left before I head back... Frankly, it's more than annoying... it's so frustrating to know that I have to keep repeating myself and then that topic inevitably leads to more questions with the likes of "So what exactly are you studying?", "How long are you going to be there for?", "Are you used to living alone?", "Wah, so now you can cook big feasts right? When are you going to let me have a taste?". Er, I'm there to study, hello... not practice my cooking skills... Then again, I suppose they were misled by the excessive food pictures capturing my culinary escapades huh.

That aside, I know this semester will be pretty chill, so I think I might have to take up some co-curricular activities to make better use of the time there.

I watched About A Boy with Nicholas Hoult and Hugh Grant yesterday, and like the character Grant played, I felt like I am not interesting enough to others, so it's more of a psychological barrier I have to overcome. I am interesting. Everyone is... everyone has a backstory, whether they like it or not. Some are more dramatic than others. It's not really what you say to others, it's how you put things into perspective that engages others. I think being sincere and helpful might do the trick, but I'm not really the kind who does that spontaneously... maybe I should try that more. Smile more. People like others who smile, right?

Just hope that I don't scare people off with my creepy smile.

Thursday, February 02, 2012 1:33 am

Who wouldn't watch this movie? It's on my must-see list this February, along with Eddie Peng's 《《爱》》and I think I will need a box of tissues. The Vow seems like Notebook Part 2; there's a lot of hype surrounding it, so I hope it lives up to expectations. I mean, I have this major crush on Channing Tatum at the moment. It started last week when I watched G.I Joe: Rise of Cobra. I know I know, that show was canned by so many critics but I actually thought it was pretty cool - kind of a no-brainer show, with hilarious dialogue between Ripcord and Duke. And then I remembered Duke (Chan's character in G.I Joe), was also a name he had playing a football star in She's The Man! So I rewatched that last night and I was all googly-eyed over his antics. He can really do comedy quite well! I was going *soundless squealllllllll* throughout most of the movie.

2012 should be Chan's year, I mean - he has The Vow, G.I Joe: Retaliation (which only has a few of the previous characters coming back so that's a shame), 21 Jump Street and Magic Mike (show about male stripper industry loosely inspired on his 8-month experience as a stripper and has Matt Bomer in it... so...)

Anyway, no words can describe how genuine I think he is as a person and actor, so go read the GQ article about him hosting the reporter at his uncle's ranch in Alabama! Southern boy!!!! :) I'll end off with MOARRRR pictures.

UNF. BOY YOU LOOK SO FINE...

Oh hey girl, nothing much going on, just standing on a wooden piling, staring into the distance thoughtfully with my hands in my pockets.

DAMN BOY.

My next wallpaper, I swear.

My next wallpaper after the one above it. This one speaks volumes, I don't know how to explain it but it does.

AND HE'S HOSTING SNL THIS WEEK I CANNOT BELIEVE IT.

Then the week after The Vow should be out... (MUST-WATCH I DON'T CARE).

I wonder if he'll be doing promos in Australia......

HAHAHAHAHA.

gah, this fangirling at 1.33am is not healthy at all.